Love bomb then ghost? Why People Do It.

Love bomb then ghost? Why People Do It: Love bombing is becoming common in today’s dating world. One thing we don’t talk about nearly as much is what happens when you get a love bomb and then a ghost. It is a dishearten experience that leaves victims hard to trust others again. So, without any delay let us talk about what is love bombing, why it happens, common signs of love bombing, and why people love bombs and then leave you.

What is love bombing:

When someone showers you with all the love, attention, and affection in the world at the beginning of a relationship it is called love bombing. It is generally done by people to manipulate or control their partners. They do it so that they can get closer to you faster than the normal time. Although it is most common in romantic relationships it can occur in professional relationships and other relations as well. Love bombing is usually associated with narcissistic manipulation and it can also happen with people who suffer from BPD(Borderline personality disorder). Here are a few examples of love bombing.

Compliments

They shower you with loads of compliments. They will make you feel like you are the most beautiful/handsome person they have ever met. You are awesome, they say frequently. They stare at you with a feeling of awe.

Need all of your attention

They text or call all the time. They want to see you every day. It stop by during their lunch hours because they can not stand an hour away from you.

Gifts

You will be showered with anything you have mentioned in front of them that you liked. It can be jewelry, a book, or a flower. 

Similarities

They may make you feel like you are a copy of them or there are a lot of things that are common in both of you. 

Signs of love bombing

List a few signs of love bombing to take a look at while talking to or dealing with new people in life. 

They make you look perfect

They idealize you and avoid any flaws or shortcomings, emerging to find you perfect.

Try to move too fast

They will try to push for a commitment too soon and use words like “I love you” early in the relationship.

They are willing to spend all their time with you

Most of your day time you keep on chatting or talking over the phone just because they want it. They want to be with you almost all the time and even get upset if you try to socialize without them.

Shower romantic gestures on you

They shower you with expensive gifts or take you on fancy dates even early in the relationship. Love bombers do all the tiny things to make you attached to them quickly. 

How love bomb then ghost feels: 

When you are love-bombed and then ghosted, it may feel like you have been hit by a truck. For a moment you are on cloud nine, and the next moment you feel confused, hurt, and rejected. It is a brutal reality, but it happens more often than you can think.

Also Read: How to let go of someone you love?

Why do some people love bomb and then ghost:

Although there is not much research available on ghosting, still there are some theories available. Today’s daring scene lets people ghost more because of the dating app era. When people meet through Tinder or Bumble, they take an interest in each other and start dating, when they get bored they leave the person easily. As there is no middle person involved so they are not answerable to anyone. Ghosting hurts in any situation, but it is extremely confusing when the person who does it just got done love bombing you.

We have mentioned the following reasons to explain why someone might love a bomb more than a ghost. Reasons might not be appropriate, but it is the best knowledge available based on what we know about the psychology of this behavior.

They were on a break with their partner

When the two of you met, it might felt like fate. You never asked about past relationships, and they did not share about anyone too. So, you assumed that the person is single. But, once the break in their relationship ends and your perceived perfect match disappears, it means he’s back with his ex.

They do not like to talk about things that bother them

“We need to talk” can sometimes be the scariest sentence in a man’s world, especially when his partner says that. He knows there will likely be tears if he gets honest with you. He knows he might get “yelled at” if he stays silent. Some people think that it is staying silent is better than crying and yelling.

They have numerous victims

Sometimes people love bombs more than ghosts because they love bombing numerous people and have moved on to a new victim. The possibilities are that they are moving on to their backup relationship.

Ultimately, this is good for you because it means you have avoided a bullet that could have hurt you. It is possible that they sensed you were not going to be an easy target, or they are someone who likes to pursue the high of new relationships, and the initial buzz of your romance was starting to weaken. (Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that the initial chemistry high always fades with time and settles into a more steady rhythm. Love bombers hate stability, so they prefer to leave.)

They like to control you

Love bombing is nothing but controlling. They want to make sure they are the center of your world, and all your perimeters are re-shaped to concentrate on them. Once you draw a line in the sand, they feel that the control is gone. You are not fun to be with anymore, and they want to take their toys back without saying a word. 

They lack self-esteem

Love bombing begins as soon as you guys met, and you are amazed that this person is so in tune with your desires and demands. It turns out that you were just for a time being and the person just needed someone to make them feel better about themselves. You just happened to be such a person in their life. Once they know they can get you, they do not feel the need to keep you. 

They got what they wanted from you

If a person loves to bomb you to get something, they will vanish once that need has been met. It could be anything like attention, or money, as soon as they can tick that box, they may ghost and move on to the next person or victim.

They are madly in love with playing psychological games with people

There are people in this world who get a sense of fulfillment and assurance by making people get attached or playing mind games. These types of people get bored or uncomfortable easily and vanish. You can call them emotionally immature and people who can not handle confrontation. They also lack a sense of responsibility for their actions.

They like power

Some people love bombs and ghosts because they like it when people fall in love with them effortlessly. It is less about wanting the person to love them and more about feeling like claiming the prize. It makes them feel like attractive, desirable human beings and that feels good to them. This is expected relationship behavior among egoists.

They have an avoidant attachment style

People with avoidant affection styles are scared of close connections and will often withdraw closeness and ghosts to save themselves from emotional harm. This is called trauma response, often embedded in childhood trauma, abuse, or abandonment. A question may arise why do they bother to love bombs at all? Well, it is because they are afraid of being alone and rejected. So they use love bombing to create closeness and trust. This is very common in BPD relationships and happens during the imagination phase of the relationship. Once the BPD partner senses things are no longer perfect, they fall back on black-and-white thinking patterns. If such a person is not perfect, they think of them as bad, so I should leave them before they leave me.

There is no particular reason

This is probably the most unsatisfying reason of them all, but the truth is, sometimes love bombers and ghosts even do not know why they are behaving the way they do, which is even more reason to stay far away from them.

What effect does love bomb then ghost leave on victim?

The truth is love bombing can be extremely harmful and even traumatizing for victims. People who love bombs are usually great at reading people. They know how to hook people in by instantly recognizing the characteristics and traits people want to be recognized for and then digging deeper to get people to open up and drop their guard.

How love bombing works

Love bombing is influential because it plays on our inherent desire to be understood and loved. When there is instant chemistry with someone, it is more difficult to see the situation negatively. We all crave that intense love-at-first-sight connection, so it is natural to want to go along with it when someone offers something similar to that. When the love bombing ends, and that connection, attention, and admiration are pulled away, the victim starts feeling like they are at fault. Love bombing is meant to throw you off and leave you emotionally vulnerable. Whether they are doing it for control, money, or to experience the new connections the result is the same. The victim is often left to grapple with feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness.

What to do if you get love-bombed and then ghosted

The first thing you should do if you get love-bombed and then ghosted is to tell yourself that you are not the person who is at fault. Remember that love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation, and anyone in the world can become a victim of it. I know that saying so doesn’t ease the hurt or confusion the person may have left you with, but maybe it gives you room to start the healing process without finding ways to blame yourself for the other person’s behavior.

Remember that love bombers do not ghost you because there is something wrong with you. They ghost you because they are people who love to hurt others. If you feel like you are struggling to move after getting ghosted and it is affecting your ability to form healthy connections with other people, then it is worth talking to a counselor. They can help you process what happened and provide techniques to revamp trust in yourself and others. You can also adopt the following method to deal with the situation:

Try new hobbies

Try doing the hobbies you could not do during the love bombing phase. Keep on finding happiness in the unique skills you have. 

Note it down

Not having closure to a relationship will always haunt you. Write down what you would say to that person who ghost you and put that paper away somewhere, or better yet, burn it or tear it away. 

Find support

You may feel alone and embarrassed, so join a team or a group where you can feel welcomed and valued again by good people who want you to succeed in life.